I’m great at parties

I’m great at parties

meow meow

meow meow

Alright, now who’s tryna come party in this hotel room

Updates:

-I didn’t cry on the plane!!!
-First class is fucking amazing
-Lots of champagne
-Driver put on some indie playlist full of songs I love, which makes me suspect that he was informed of my preferences before hand
-LA is sunny, Bay is rainy
-No bra, no problem
-Yeeeeeeee

cantsleepcantsleepcantsleepcantsleep

And while we’re on the topic

THINGS I AM NOT OBLIGATED TO DO FOR YOU, AS YOUR SERVER:

  • entertain your child
  • make sure your child doesn’t get maimed by hot food and busy people
  • mediate arguments between you and your significant other
  • decide whose card to take at the end of your party’s meal when you all pretend to argue over the bill awkwardly in front of me
  • be a prop for you to sexually harass
  • show/explain my tattoos to you
  • make you a fancy, showy birthday dessert despite you being twice as old as me
  • give you a discount on something you didn’t like even though you’ve eaten the whole thing
  • take verbal abuse from you because you’re miserable and have no sense of appropriate public behavior
  • guarantee you your own super special off menu meal that accommodates all of your imagined gluten/sugar/dairy/air/life allergies 
  • think of something clever and lighthearted to say after you’ve made a disparaging comment about your own weight as compared to mine
  • smile at you when you’ve been completely awful to me 

THINGS I AM OBLIGATED TO DO FOR YOU, AS YOUR SERVER:

  • take your order
  • bring you your food
  • bring you your check

This is not to say that I won’t do any of the things from the first list, but that I’m not obligated to do those things. If I do any of those things, you should know that I’m doing them because I’m trying to make your experience good, so maybe, just maybe, you should consider that and try to make my experience good also

Seriously, fuck everyone who decides to take their personal failures out on restaurant employees

Today I got yelled at by a lady who was mind blowingly infuriated that I wouldn’t “honor” happy hour down to the last minute for her. 

She came in at 5:29pm. happy hour ends at 5:30. I sat her and gave her + her family dinner menus. I got them their drinks, asked if they wanted food, they gave me back the menus and said “if there’s no happy hour right now we don’t want to eat”. I was like, ooookay? They all sat there for like 20 minutes and finished their drinks (which I still hooked the price up on because I’m fucking nice) and when I went to check on them again the woman literally threw her card at me and proceeded to get in my face and tell me what a piece of shit I was for not letting them order slightly cheaper food because they came in technically before 5:30. THIRTY SECONDS BEFORE FIVE THIRTY

Here’s the deal: by the time I sat them, and they’d figured out what they wanted, and I put it into the computer, happy hour would be over. Then the kitchen would be ripping me a new asshole about why I put some last minute shit in

Aside from that: we’re a fucking upscale dinner restaurant, not Dave and Busters, not Wingstop. You really want to save those extra two dollars, well then try coming in earlier you cheap piece of shit

welp I found vance on okcupid

welp I found vance on okcupid

Well, I dropped my phone and cracked the screen. And I somehow managed that before I started drinking, which is cool because it’s like “well, at least that’s out of the way”

Anyway it’s an iphone 4 (not a 4s, just a 4) that I got two years ago. That was refurbished when I got it. And I didn’t have a case on it. So it pretty much exceeded every expectation that I ever had for it and then some

Anyway part 2, now in addition to only working while on speakerphone the screen is a kaleidoscope too so

ohsaraakay:

Saturday November 29th from 7-11pm at @sidequestgallery Downtown Oakland come see this beauty finished plus a kajillion more works by myself and @stellabijou for our “Daddy Issues” show.

yooooooo, come see our sadness

ohsaraakay:

Saturday November 29th from 7-11pm at @sidequestgallery Downtown Oakland come see this beauty finished plus a kajillion more works by myself and @stellabijou for our “Daddy Issues” show.

yooooooo, come see our sadness