I’m working on my theory that the more intellectual and creative pursuits a girl has, the filthier she can dance. There’s a corollary, I know it! I just have to crunch the numbers.


Wearing a sundress all summer so I can be ready to lift it up and sit on your face at any given point.

I have pots with matching lids because I am an adult.

People are fucking idiots.


scanned image from Sasha Grey’s Neü Sex


scanned image from Sasha Grey’s Neü Sex

We Are San Francisco


1. the tenderloin 

she kisses me tenderly and then
one day not at all; our 
pictures together vanish from facebook
one by one. 

2. the financial district

I buy the angel of death a cup
of coffee for 2.67 so he
agrees to give me an extra 
five years. “don’t waste it,”
he grumbles. 

3. the mission 

she cruelly taunts my taste in 
music, she cruelly taunts my 
blue striped shirt, she cruelly 
taunts her ex-boyfriend 
with a neck tattoo that 
looks like her. 

4. the fillmore 

we get really high. he tells
me about this girl with a “juicy”
ass, that’s his word for it, 
"juicy". I tell him to never 
change and he doesn’t. 

5. the richmond

I tell my roommates to invite
"a bunch of sluts to
the party”. we all invite a 
bunch of sluts to the party. our
awkward roommate still 
barely gets laid. 

6. south of market area

everyone is chainsmoking over
piles of cocaine, explaining 
it’s their turn to put something 
on the stereo. we settle for 
Dusty Springfield. maybe it’s the
drugs but everything’s kind of

7. chinatown

no, really
what the fuck is that? 

8. north beach

a stripper with a mouth like
ten sailors tells me which Talking
Heads record is the best. she’s
not wrong. things stop 
making sense soon after

9. the sunset 

this party sucks, but how
much can you
complain about free booze? 

10. outer mission 

no comprende, 
no mas, why is this
fucking bus taking forever. god
I love this bar. have you 
got any smokes. have you
got any smokes. 

11. the castro 

this movie theater is 
packed with strangers who have
the same look as me. we all 
take our seats in one silent

12. the haight  

listen pal if I want shitty drugs, I’ll 
buy them from teenagers. oh you’re
only seventeen? well that’s no
excuse. get a job, hippie. 

13. the marina 

fuck that 

14. nob hill

there’s a combination of dive bars 
that makes a man feel alive. in his 
bones and in his heart. there’s also some
cheap pizza that doesn’t taste 
like home, but it tries. it’s not enough,
nothing ever is. 

15. pacific heights

man, let’s get out of
here. I feel like I’m in stepford 
minus the personality. 


Natasha Lyonne and Clea DuVall, Out Magazine, 2000.


Natasha Lyonne and Clea DuVall, Out Magazine, 2000.

One of you thousands of people should text me. Come on, man.